Managers can't have friends 07.31.17

                This work story is for anyone in management, and it is based on my own experiences as a manager.

                The title states, “Managers can’t have friends”, but that is not the complete statement. In a management position, “One should be friendly but not have friends”! To clarify, one should be friendly with all staff but should not have friends among the staff.

                As a young manager I had never been told to be friendly but do not have friends among the staff. Working at the Waco center I developed a friendship with one of the staff. We went fishing and hunting together. Occasionally we would have a meal at one or another’s home. I joined the volunteer fire department due to the encouragement of this staff member / friend.

                Honestly, I would never have treated this staff member differently than anyone else. I would occasionally sit at the same table during break or lunch, we talked and played dominos.

                As I later learned, others saw this friendship totally different than I did.

                At a later date, I terminated this friend for not following instructions. After that, I did not make friends among the staff although I did attempt to be friendly. It would have been nice if someone would have enlightened me about the problems of having friends among the staff.

                Sometimes, certain staff are seen as a manager’s friend even though the management person don’t see it that way. Often HR will receive a complaint from an employee, and they (HR) then alert the management team of these concerns. Occasionally, a member of the management team is alerted either by personal observation, or from a staff member, that another manager is showing preference to or is friends with an employee.

                When management staff are alerted to these concerns, they should take time to consider and discuss why these staff are seen as being friends. How should this discussion take place? There are a couple possibilities.

                The management team should get together and candidly discuss the matter. These discussions will only work if all managers (senior through junior) can honestly communicate openly. By that I mean, if all managers can discuss anything and everything without feeling threatened.

                I have known managers who thought their team would discuss anything, when those in the team felt the opposite!

                If the management team can’t communicate openly, they should meet with a third party such as HR or a VP.

                Things that may be seen by staff, as being friends with management.

                This can happen when a top producer gets what is seen as, “The good jobs”. A person who works productively in various positions will often be asked to take on special assignments. The reason for the special assignment may be seen by others as, “He / she is friends with a manager”.

                A newer staff member gets a job that is seen by others as, “A preferred position”. If seniority no longer matters when jobs are open, allowing management to place anyone in any position, this can be seen as, “He / she is the manager’s friend”. When staff do not understand why certain staff, or newer staff, get certain positions, this can lead them to believe the person is a friend of management.

                Management is not an easy job. Regardless how good one is as a manager, there will be those who think he /she is not performing in the job properly.

                I think all managers should clearly understand the difference between being a friend and being friendly!

Don Ford